Crapland 2 + PDF

“It’s based on the absurd premise that you’ve slipped in a convenience store and now you are cursed to wake as a convenience store at some crappy interval. Cool, right? Terrible, right? Doesn’t make any sense? Perfect.”- Crapland 2, The Author

We like to think of it as Bored Surrealism. It’s definitely inspired by David Lynch’s Dumbland.

Most of all, it’s internally consistent and takes itself seriously while also being an absurdist commentary.

What’s New in Issue #2?

(Yes I’m about to enumerate the table of contents)

  • D33 things you find in a crap-mart parking lot (self-explanatory)
  • D6 things happening outside a we’re-mart (self-explanatory)
  • Rules for we’re-mart creation. Finding out how and when you slipped and what kind of store you become. Including a demonic true name generator for stores.
  • D6 new convenience store character backgrounds: each one a different type of store, ranging from Butcher Shop to Print Shops and Delis.
  • D3 new non-convenience store backgrounds (you know like Craptor 76, Delivery Drivers, and Customers)
  • D6 new customers that frequent the stores. Like the guy who loves potato chips, Clarice IV the Craptor Queen, and Clarice with the Green Hair.
  • 3d3 department stores ready to wreak havoc on the local populace. Pastries, Linens, Chainsaws… the usual.
  • A department store turned demonic giant with over 18 hardpoints (see Ternwillow) / departments built in. Concert Stages, Coffee Stands, Gold Buyers, Drone Salesmen.. You know a normal mall.. I mean department store
  • D33 pieces of equipment not previously appearing in crapland. Including Sticks, Tickets for Crapet Airlines, and an Intercooler for Your Mom’s Ex-BF’s Car
  • A strange beast made of segments of televisions (not going into it)
  • D3 shows on tv and HOW they affect you (like the C.R.A.P. that show that everyone tunes into)
  • D33 actors that show up in films and tv (like the Action Hero who’s turned to comedy, or that person that looks like another actor)
  • D33 extras that appear in these films (they mostly just stare at the screen)
  • D33 commercials that bombard you with the EFFECTS of subliminal messaging.
  • D33 cartridge spells that really are just games that you have to master before casting.
  • D666 miens (216 entries) look sometimes you just want to roll 3 dice to find out how someone is feeling
  • D33 equipment for adventures things like game consoles, cartridges, craptor jackets, or maybe just a bucket of fish.
  • D6 new adventures + endings just go on them.
  • D6 encounters in a crap-mart (what will you run into)
  • D6 encounters after leaving a we’re-mart (oh… what’s going on NOW!!?!?!)
  • A very loose admittance that 2 gods live in the craplands


  • Writing: Sean Richer
  • Editing: Jarrett Crader (MRC)
  • ART: Anxiety Wizard + Sean Richer
  • Cover: Andrew Walter
  • Layout and Design: Anxiety Wizard

68 Pages, A4, Perfect Bound Book, Color. Includes PDF.

Offering of Dark Space Nachoes:

“Crapland 2” is an independent production by Orbital Intelligence, LLC and is not affiliated with the Melsonian Arts Council.

Check out the companion SQAURE vinyl record Crapland Remix!

In stock!

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Orders typically ship within 24-48 hours after being placed, business days only Monday - Friday. If you place an order on Friday, Saturday, or Sunday then it will not ship until the following business week. Shirts and Hoodies will ship separately.

We use USPS, UPS and DHL. Rates are based on current service rates and are subject to change. For the majority of items we ship in deluxe padded bubble mailers with bags and boards for added protection or with cardboard book mailers. Larger orders will be finely packed as well. We care about the product getting to you safe and secure.  





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    Essentially it is the same as above. We adore all of you and strive to give you the best possible customer experience possible but inventory tracking not only for us but for our vendors and partners makes this almost impossible to do now. 


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